New #poem

They never really can understand my discernment when It comes to men
Like I pretend to be afraid 
I play shy 
My no’s mean yes
I just rather play hard to get 
Cuz I’m easy at this game of dog chasing after cat
That I actually enjoy sex I just say don’t touch me
That my baby… My baby… Is not a product of a rape gone worse 
That my skin doesn’t leak self hate through pores like alcohol I force down my throat to erase memories that only leave momentarily…
That God…
That I’m not sure I still believe in, hasn’t cursed me with a figure that makes men feel the right to disrespect me
That I actually like the abuse I’ve received since the age of 13… Why did my mother silence me?

Why did it take years of being raped 
7 attempts on a life I’m not even good enough to take
Raising a child I wasn’t even sure God wanted me to create 
And if he did 
Why has he chosen such fate for me
I was THIRTEEN 
Raped almost everyday by my stepfather 
SEVENTEEN RAPED BY SOMEONE I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH
TWENTY raped by a coworker who I thought was my friend
TWENTY-FIVE again by a stranger who became the… Father of my beautiful little girl… WHY NOW!?
Do I want to speak up after being silenced since a kid “This is family business and you don’t tell outside people about what happened to you”
But Momma never listened 
All she cared about was making sure stepdad didn’t hit her 
So maybe having sex with me was payment for him to not make her bleed
Instead it would be me
You see… Now I know why I speak…
It’s so that little girl like me…
Doesn’t get into the habit of remaining silent… #poetry #poet #instapoetry #instapoem

New #poem

They never really can understand my discernment when It comes to men
Like I pretend to be afraid
I play shy
My no’s mean yes
I just rather play hard to get
Cuz I’m easy at this game of dog chasing after cat
That I actually enjoy sex I just say don’t touch me
That my baby… My baby… Is not a product of a rape gone worse
That my skin doesn’t leak self hate through pores like alcohol I force down my throat to erase memories that only leave momentarily…
That God…
That I’m not sure I still believe in, hasn’t cursed me with a figure that makes men feel the right to disrespect me
That I actually like the abuse I’ve received since the age of 13… Why did my mother silence me?

Why did it take years of being raped
7 attempts on a life I’m not even good enough to take
Raising a child I wasn’t even sure God wanted me to create
And if he did
Why has he chosen such fate for me
I was THIRTEEN
Raped almost everyday by my stepfather
SEVENTEEN RAPED BY SOMEONE I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH
TWENTY raped by a coworker who I thought was my friend
TWENTY-FIVE again by a stranger who became the… Father of my beautiful little girl… WHY NOW!?
Do I want to speak up after being silenced since a kid “This is family business and you don’t tell outside people about what happened to you”
But Momma never listened
All she cared about was making sure stepdad didn’t hit her
So maybe having sex with me was payment for him to not make her bleed
Instead it would be me
You see… Now I know why I speak…
It’s so that little girl like me…
Doesn’t get into the habit of remaining silent… #poetry #poet #instapoetry #instapoem

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